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What is Tantra – Sexual Meditation?

What is Tantra? I’d heard of it before as I’m sure we all have. I had the misunderstanding that it meant sexual acts. Another deviancy to exploit people maybe – under the guise of sexual meditation perhaps? I had a lot to learn when my good friend and former client Alex called to tell me she had become a Tantric Practitioner. She received her Tantra certification from the Institute of Authentic Tantra.

As I learned more about the true meaning of Tantra with Alex, I came to find out that it is actually really misunderstood. People think it has to do with sexual acts and maybe perversion. However, this is far from the truth of it. I would say it is more of a really deep spiritual practice that can be, quite healing.

According to the American Board of Sexology’s Authentic Tantra, a better definition is –   Authentic Tantra® works with 4 Pillars of Healing; Meditation, Movement, Connection, and Pleasure to heal trauma and integrate our mind, body, spirit and sex so that we can awaken and access more pleasure and bliss in our lives.  Sexuality is a fundamental part of how we are and because of this, Authentic Tantra® believes that the path to spiritual enlightenment includes all aspects of our human experience including and most importantly our sexuality.” 

In the more patriarchal Western world sexual intimacy has the energy of either an immature stumbling in the dark between lovers or, a silent struggle of peers trying to get their needs met. Needs, that neither know much about.

So many religious institutions teach abstinence until marriage. But what is missing is the spiritual intimacy and love that comes from a spiritual union. Simply telling people to wait doesn’t help when hormones rage and sensations heighten.

Spirituality and Sexual Intimacy

I don’t know about you but I was taught to wait until marriage to have sex. The problem with that message was that I had a lot of raging hormones telling me otherwise. I wasn’t sure about the whole marriage thing and, didn’t grow up dreaming about my wedding day or babies. I felt like I didn’t fit in with what society and religions dictated for girls.

My parents were well-meaning, loving people and wanted me to have a beautiful sexual experience with a future husband. I don’t think they knew how to really explain that to me though. How beautiful it can be with someone you are deeply in love with – married or not.

I also don’t think they realized that the message I received was of being a sinner – unclean –  if, I explored it outside of marriage. Feelings of shame and guilt settled into my entire body for the pleasures I felt. I had some really messed up ideas of it all and acted out in unhealthy ways because of it.

As I got older and started to do a deep dive into healing my wounds I was able to feel that God is actually all loving. That the shame I felt was self inflicted. I had to change my mindset and learn self-love and forgiveness to heal. I think a lot of people feel this way. It’s sad that so many people are so uncomfortable talking about it. And, I don’t mean talking about it in a descriptive porno way. What I am talking about is the shared love between two people. When your hearts are open to each other. The waves of pleasure that come from that love – spiritual love – expressed in the physical body.

God gives you what you need

You know it’s interesting, God brings the right person into your life when you’re ready, and not a moment sooner. After I spent at least 2 years doing deeper healing work on myself, I then met a man whom I love dearly. With him I get to practice everything I’ve learned and worked on. It’s easy to be enlightened when you are alone, the hard part comes with putting things into practice. To be mature in the face of conflict. Not to avoid and speak up when the emotions are high. That is the true test and great opportunity to grow- to evolve.

He came into my life at the right moment and I into his. We both wanted to have a more mature, open and a growth mindset type of relationship. To go to the next level and heal even more – it’s like an onion – you just keep pealing the layers. I had deep religious shame and guilt around my sexuality. The next layer of that onion was about to be pealed back – I had to heal this.

Tantric healing

That’s when Alex called about Tantric healing – of course – she came at the perfect time! I worked with her for a few weeks. She taught me a lot and helped me to deepen my connection with myself – inside and out. That the body, soul & mind is deeply connected. Something I had always known however, the deeper Soul knowing of it was unfelt. It’s hard to explain exactly everything I got out of working with her. She’s incredibly open and understanding to the religious messaging that a lot of us get – as she’s also experienced that. She’s truly a beautiful soul and hears you.

The meditations you receive are incredibly healing. They are so relaxing and you can really go deeper within your soul. You get in tune with your body from the inside. The sensations you feel are full of sparkling light felt from the tips of your toes to the top of your head. It’s hard to explain though. I feel that most abstract things are. Language itself is not very descriptive or creative and can be quite limiting. Simply put I needed a mentor, and she was it!

“Remove wounds and energy blocks that hold you back from experiencing your sexual divine, your Soul Connection, your Soul Consciousness.” Alex

History – Elders & Mentors

Historically there were rites of passages for both men and women. Elders were our mentors and would pass on great wisdom. A girl’s coming of age would be honored. A boy’s would too with a vision quest in some cultures. Becoming a man or a woman was equally valued with much excitement. Nature was also an important part of a woman’s life – her menstrual cycle goes along with the moon – a 28 day cycle.

The book The Red Tent by Anita Diamant was a historical depiction of how Jewish Women in biblical times would gather in their own menstruation hut. In this space they would retreat from their daily tasks, share stories of womanhood, and celebrate rites of passage. From a ceremonial gathering to sitting in circle and weaving or gathering and preparing food for the village, women have communed together forever.

We had Elders & Mentors to help us along the way to becoming women. Taking time off from daily duties to just be – to relax, laugh and feel loved. In this day and age we do not have that, instead most of us complain about painful periods and awful mood fluctuations. Wishing at those times to not be women – taking a ton of pain killers & praying to the Almighty Himself for relief.

Fending for ourselves

With the disconnect from nature and ourselves we’ve lost much and often feel alone with our misperceptions of our feminine bodies. (I am mostly speaking here about women, and not men – my experiences as a woman – what Tantra did for me.) When speaking with friends about sexual intimacy the conversations can go from excitement to shame & guilt. The experiences range though with a seemingly morose kind of energy to it. Why is there so much shame and guilt surrounding what should be an empowering & beautiful connection?

I’ve also had friends who say they have enjoyed being intimate with random strangers. At least they say they do but I can sense the energy around those statements to be of disconnection and something else – sadness maybe. Although the verbal bravado does its best to hide the many internal walls that are up. The justification for it is the freedoms of choice we now have in the Western world. My own justification once upon a time – before I felt deeper connection from within. We are not simply bodies with souls but rather Souls with bodies – we must take care of both.

The deep energy, if you tune in, is of the underlying anger and hurt of what women have endured for thousands of years, felt to the deepest core of us all. The connection of every Soul sister to be treated so unjustly – the grief shared consciously and unconsciously. When all she’s ever wanted was to give love and to receive love equally in Spirit. To play, to love, to dance like the ocean’s waves twisting and turning without a goal in mind – just to flow.

A Masculine World

Living in a masculine world of an unhealthy patriarchy has stifled the feminine energy and flow. It’s created a world of upheaval, war and much strife. Without the feminine to balance out the masculine we have lost much of ourselves.

Let’s look at the healthy and unhealthy masculine energy traits now. Healthy =  Action, strong, predictable, structured, goal oriented, protective, problem – solving, willpower, and leadership. Unhealthy would be taking those traits to the extreme. For example, strength becomes violence, leadership becomes control, and competitiveness becomes winning at all costs.

Now, in the healthy feminine = empathic, emotional, expressive, free-spirited, relaxed, creative, caring, loving and sensitive. A woman with these qualities is less concerned with putting herself first. She is more interested in being a nice person than being successful. These are all wonderful qualities. But in the unhealthy feminine – being nice isn’t easy in a world that encourages competition, ambition, pushing harder and faster – a masculine world. It’s common for a more feminine strength female to have her good nature taken advantage of and may often find it hard to take control of her life – and her finances.

The feminine traits are not valued in this day and age and we tend to label these women – messy, crazy or lazy. In the Western world the culture of high productivity sacrificing creative endeavors and health is seen with much pride. Until a crisis happens which is inevitable when living with such disharmony. The masculine and feminine energies must be in harmony for healing and health to be re-established.

According to the Chinese creation myth, the sky was named “Yang”, and represented all the masculine energy in the world. It was dry, warm and powerful. The earth, with its moist, cooling, nourishing waters, was named “Yin” and represented all the feminine energy in the world. Together they were a harmonious whole. Masculine and feminine, Yin and Yang. Neither was more important than the other: they were two sides of the same coin. One could not exist without the other – they balanced each other.

Conclusion

I gained a lot of insights doing this inner work with Alex and the Tantric meditations. A few years before working with her, I studied more about my own imbalances of the masculine and feminine energies. How I acted out because of it – the unhealthy views I had about intimate relationships. Alex really helped me a lot – she is a great mentor for this journey. I highly recommend her if you are ready to take a deeper dive into your own healing work – click the link to contact her now.

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